Wednesday, 18 June 2014
I was at a party the other night and Like any other teenager my age I was having fun, laughing and drinking a little Guinness ....I got to see old friends, some I hadn't seen in months others a few weeks. Then out of the blew the pain in my chest kicked in and refused to let me expand it more that a inch or two. So I sat there, Jack holding my head up and keeping me straight to allow as much oxygen in as possible, and Paul who sat with me, reassuring me everything was gonna be okay, that I was gonna be fine. In an "episode" as I have come to call it, things get fuzzy and all I can feel is the pain, and I can only see what is in front of me. That night it was Paul, Jack and Declan holding my hand, stroking my face and telling me they were there to help.
It is funny how in these times you find out what a person really wants. Who they are to you. If they really want to help or if they are there to watch? I asked Paul why he was helping me? why he was being so nice... the answer....because he cares, because he likes to help others. I asked the same of Declan and yet again the answer was because he cares. As for Jack he helps because he knows me, he loves me.
It is strange to think that I am now in a place were my friends help because they care and not to get something in return. They do not use it against me. In fact they simply say, so long as I am okay.
I admit this is a strange situation to be in. Normally people ask me to repay them, they ask for a favour or demand something in return. But My new friends simply want me to get better. Upon the hundredth time I asked why they were helping, I finally took in the fact that they were simply nice people, that they really are my friends.
This thought, or feeling, what ever it is...made me feel happy, and so I cried even more...before I didn't think for a moment they were doing it for me. I told jack that nobody ever does anything for free.
Now I will say to you I was WRONG. Family and Friends will do anything if they care. I am grateful to everyone who has helped me when I didn't have the ability to help myself. I am blessed that they are kind enough to not ask for anything in its place. Few know how rare it is, Few know how sad it is when you are put in a place of vulnerability. But my friends know how to help me. However they will never know how happy I am that they help, and they care. Because for the first time in my life I have more than 2 people (outside the house) who will be there to support me, and it feels amazing. It is something I never thought I would have.
So in conclusion, if I can find people like this, who are simply kind because they care. Then so can anyone, It just takes time.
Thanx to all My friends who have helped me, or even smiled and taken the time to ask about things they don't understand.