Aiming High

It has been a while since I last updated you all.

I am still living with Jack, I am still surviving in Glasgow (despite what people thought) I am attending university. I am in control of my life again.

For those of you who don't know, in 5th year my health went from bad to worse. I left school and went back in my 6th year. I nearly died a few times, either seizure in bad places like the bath, or blood poisoning.

But despite the odds. I am here.

I was told I would never be the same. I might never be able to take care of myself, I would never make it on my own. I would never get to uni. Basically, I felt useless, weak but above all I felt disappointed in myself.

But, someone told me I was better than that, I was capable of anything. I was more than my conditions.

And so, I started a blog, I went back to school, I went to college. I moved out. I applied to university. And here I am.

Alive. And I control my life again. Why? Because one person had faith.

That faith is priceless. So to you I say "show them what your made of, prove people wrong, but most of all...show you're self."

I have faith in you.

You're Friend
Jordy

Seeing is Believing


As you know I have a history of seizures, NEAD for short, I had them for a long time and would have fits/episodes daily.

How did it fell? I didn't feel a thing, I would go in and out of a fit, I would get split seconds where I would know something was wrong. I forgot where I was, what I was doing...who was with me...everything.

What did I know? Nothing. When in a episode I was just trying to gain control. This could last for minute's, or hours.  Going in and out of a seizure. I would not know if I was safe, or when it would stop.

I was often told how awful it was to see me go through it, how painful, and shocking it is. However I never knew because when it was over I wouldn't remember...I couldn't. I would know minutes before, sometimes seconds then it was a blur.

Today, I watched my sisters dogs, Dudley suffer what I had to. The look on his face, his inability to move, or stop what was happening.

Tell me, if a seizure is bad for a logical thinking person, what must it be like for an animal?

Of course after it was over he got up and started playing with the other two again, like it never happened...

I wish I could forget like that...but I can't. He can however when it happens he has no idea why. I now understand why people would cry after seeing me.

It is only through control, and hard work I am able to keep mine from happening for now...I wonder, can a dog learn to control it?

I don't know. I doubt it, though it would be nice. I do know I never want to see a animal that scared again.

Up to Date

So, this week I have been at home taking care of things while my mother has been have an operation. 50/50 chance of it working. 50/50 chance of it killing her.

She put of the operation while I was "ill". She put her health last to work so we could keep out house. She put her health last over everything. Not only out of fear for something going wrong, but for her family.

She is an inspiration.
Selfless.

What is it to be selfless? to me it means putting others before yourself. It means sacrifice. When someone is selfless it shows they love them.

My mother had her operation. Now we wait two weeks to see if it will fix it, kill her, or if she needs to go back on the operating table.

My health. It seems that when you fix one thing, or gain control another thing goes wrong or pops up out of the blue.

My question. Is it even possible to be 100% healthy?

Your Friend
Jordy

A late New Year

Sorry I haven't been keeping up to date, college and work, and balancing life is rather hard. 

I am now writing this as I have made the time. 

2017. It has the potential to go far, to take me where I want to go. However it also has the potential to stop me.
I have been thinking a lot about where I want to be, in life. What I want to be remembered for. So with that is mind , I don't want to be sad, depressed or even remember as "that girl in the corner".

I have dreams. Ambitions and places I want to go in my life, however long it may be.

I know I am not smart, like my sister Bethany. I am not beautiful like my sister Abbie. I am not as strong as my sister Alex. I am not as resilient as my parents and I am not as caring as my brother Logan.

I am me. Who ever that might be.

That's the trouble, I know I am me, but I don't know what that means really. I am 19 so I imagine that is normal, not knowing who you are really...

I am good at art, writing, and that is basically it. I have tried to find where I fit, I found it last year with my friends. I love seeing them at home. But in terms of what I want to do, I tried everything: radio, painting, newspaper, tv and technology.

I only fell in love with two, technology and my writing. Thus it would be logical to be a journalist?

I love the idea however I am worried about making the wrong choice?

My question, how do you know?

Your Friend
Jordy

Christmas Fast Approaching

Two week until Christmas 2016. I have been thinking a lot about family and what they mean to me. After all I have been doing loads of shopping!

And the thing is, I can't find anything out there that expresses what I want to say, or what I feel. My family, as I have said many times is everything, from my close friends to my sisters and brother.

My mother is ill and putting everyone else first.

My father is in pain and working 24/7 to keep a roof over their head.

My brother is lonely and a child.

My sisters are hard at work, making something of themselves.

My friends are working, studying and a distance away from me. 

My family is strong. And everyone in it has done a lot for me. I love them all but my parents are the ones who stick out the most. My mum checks in every so often, but I haven't really spoken to my dad in a while. 

For those of you who don't know, my dad is my rock. He keeps me strong because he is strong. He keeps me working hard because he has worked hard every day since he started a family. He has HME. He helped me to accept myself and got me to where I am today. He always knows what to say-even if that is saying nothing. 

So this Christmas, all I want is for my parents to be happy and to sit down as a family. My aim for the new year, is to be half as selfless, and dedicates as my mum and dad. 

What is your aim or hope this holiday season? 

Your Friend 

Jordy 

Update

So for those of you who don't know, I have moved away from home, started college in Glasgow (Studying Television) and moved in with my partner Jack...all in the last 3 months.

I have achieved the goals I sent. I am independent, or as independent as I can be with my conditions. I have everything I wanted last year.

I was told I wouldn't make it. I was told I would give up. I was told "we will see how it goes" that I was making a mistake...and so on. However I left, and did what I wanted to do anyway. With or without support, I was determined nothing was going to hold me back again. I was not going to spend another year at home regretting my choices.

Now, I am my own person again. I know that sounds daft but you get to the point where your conditions take everything from you, they make your choices for you. I have spent the last few years letting them do just that. I stopped doing things that made me happy, that made me feel like me.

Now that I have moved out, I realise just how much of myself I lost or gave up. I used to paint, go on long walks, hang out with friends, talk to strangers, I didn't care what people thought. I used to enjoy photography, writing, singing.

I no longer paint.
I don't go on long walks.
I hang out with my friends (unless with Jack)
I don't talk to strangers.
I care what people think.
I get no joy from photography, writing or singing anymore.

Now, I have overcome and learnt to live with my conditions. I realise just how little of what I do, I do for me anymore. I don't like going out, or drawing attention to myself so I stay in and work. I find at college I try to talk to my class mates as little as possible because I am tired of being rejected, or worried I will say something wrong- this is one thing I am still very good at.

I won't lie, I am struggling right now, but I guess that is a given. After all who said life was easy?
What am I saying?

I am saying that life is about the good and the bad. It is true, you can;t have one without the other. You have to take what you are given one day at a time.

I thought that I was winning, turns out I was just dealt another hand. Now I need to try and find myself again.

The only thing is, I feel like I am going in the wrong direction! I have no passion for TV anymore, or media, I am In class and I feel nothing. I dream of a future in Television and I feel nothing. Is that wrong? Is It to late to CHANGE?

I the past when I thought of the future I was thinking of the following weeks, my dreams were only dreams, silly ideas. Now I am working towards the dream I thought I wanted and I don't know. I don't know If I am still the same girl that was dreaming of making master pieces, of winning awards.

Do any of you feel like this? Lost or just forgotten in a way? I know that I started this wanting to help people, help you but right now I am unsure on how to help myself. Can you?

Your Friend
Jordy

Second Thoughts

I was sitting with my mum and dad the other night, just having some wine and we got to talking...As you know I have HME, VWD, NEAD and a few other things. You also know that I think often about kids. what if I had my own? 

We were talking about what would happen If I ever do have a child, what would I want my partner to do? who would I want to live? 

The thing is I do have to ask these questions. My partner needs to come to terms with them. My own father almost lost both my mother and me, when I was born. He almost made that choice. So baby or me? Every time, the mother should choose the baby. Or at least that is what I would do. If my partner chose me over the baby, if he chose to save me, then he would be wrong. For if that ever happens he would not be saving a partner, or a wife, he would be loosing us both. 

I know I could never live with that, and I could never be with someone who doesn't feel the same way. In light of that I am 18 and thinking about making a 'living will....' I am 18 and planning what I want to happen when I die. Though after the last couple of years and almost dying to soon more than once in that time, I have to say I should have though about it sooner. 

Would I be happy if I were to die? I would, even if I were to die tomorrow. That is my reality. I would be happy because I have done a lot with my life. I had someone email me the other day and tell me how they would be happy if their daughter was like me. I sat and cried at that email. This woman felt guilt because her child had HME, and I helped her come to terms with it, just a little bit. I think that it is all anyone can ask really. 

To me a baby, and child? HME or not, is worth the risk.

Think about how lucky you are, and think about how beautiful life is, HME and all...

Your Friend 

Jordy

Comedy 

Today I was sat with my fellow students and we were talking about suicide jokes. How much it upset them that someone would use it as a subject in their punch lines. How it is not a matter to laugh about, its a serious thing. Now I 100% agree with this, self harm,depression or suicide is not a laughing matter. However I got to thinking why are these people hurt by this, yet they make disabled, "retard"and "spaz" jokes every single day- to my upset. 

I made the mistake of saying this very thing. They simply said, "its only a joke, we don't mean it". I am sure that is what the people think about their suicide jokes, yet you take offence. I sit in class, in society and put up with your jokes, about people like me, people in pain. Yet you take insult at others doing the same thing to you? 

How is this fair, I asked what the difference was, their answer; "you would not know how it feels". I gave up my argument then and there. I was not going to win. How could I, without causing further upset. 

So now to those people who feel it is okay to joke about medical conditions of any kind, I say; "I am disabled, I am in pain, tired, and lonely 90% of the time, even when I am surrounded by people. I know what it feels like to hate yourself, I know how it feels to hit rock bottom, to be unable to see anything good in life. 

I do not see the difference between you or I, everyone in the world feels, and has been hurt by a simple joke that another has found funny at some point in their life. Why is one kind more hurtful than the other? is it because one applies to you, or someone you know? I would say that if you make a joke and after think; "this is someones life, people have that..." or  "I hope people know I'm joking" then its not funny, it has hurt someone, and you asking yourself that question only makes it true."

Mental illness is not a joke.

Suicide is not your punch line. 

Disabled people are not there for you to imitate.

Words like "spaz", are not okay to use when describing your or others "mess-ups" or "issues". 

Self-harm, is not something to be said when you think you have a hard day ahead.

After all, somewhere, all of these things and more, are someones life. In conclusion, are your jokes really funny? think before you make them, and say sorry if you do.

Your Friend

Jordy 

Moving On

It has been a while since my last update, I have had a long year, with many ups and downs. To start of this is 2016, there is snow outside, and I am still alive, despite the efforts of my illness. When New Year came round I was surprised, I wasn't ill, nor was is in hospital or curled up in bed. I was happy. 

Now we are in yet another year and I am almost finished my college course, it has been educational to say the least. I have added to my skill set and now know how to code, and program and put together my own PC. This time last year I was being told I would not be able to attend University. I was cancelling all my plans to move on with my life, and past the pain of my conditions. Now, I am finally planning on moving out. I have regained some control over my illness-even if it’s only a little bit. I am getting my life back. 

University asks, why I want to study their course? Why media? Why journalism? Why production? The answer is simple, I want to help people. I love all things in the creative industries. I love words, films, news etc....because all of these things have the power to change someone’s life. They have the power to make a difference, even if it’s only to one person. This is a skill I will have one day. This is a skill the course can provide for me. 

I know the area has hundreds of applications every year, and I know I have been ill and have not got any highers, but I have experience, and a passion for the subject. In the coming week I will be attending interviews for different courses, and all I can ask them for is a chance. 

However even if I get no offers to attend a course, I will still move to Glasgow, I will still keep working on getting my chosen career, because last year, I gave up. I didn't want to but I did, and I have never been more ashamed. This year my condition is not going to get in the way of anything. I will not give up my dream.

Ask yourself, have you ever given up something and lived to regret it? Can you still do it? Would you change your mind? 

You’re Friend 

Jordy

Brave the Shave

As most people know by now, I am largely effected by cancer in my life, with HME running in the family, and my mum having cancer, and my gran loosing her fight against it a few years back...because of this I find cancer is everywhere, it happens all the time, people are diagnosed ever minute, and only half of those effected win their battle against it. I do not think this is good enough. I am afraid most days, not for myself but my mum, who's cancer has a 50% chance of killing her. I don't want my brother to loose his mother when he is 7 or 10...a age where he may or may not remember the fun times.


Brave the Shave is to raise money to help people find a cure. The money raised is to help reach 100% survival instead of only 50% - getting a cure takes funding. So in light of this I have signed up to be a "Brave Shaver", my target is £200 pounds though I hope to raise as much as possible. Every little
helps.



If you want to share or donate go to; https://bravetheshave.org.uk/shavers/jordan-daly/?edit=1


Your Friend

Jordy

Hi, This is just going to be a short up-date. I have been thinking a lot lately about beauty again, and what it seems to be and what it really is. I have for now come to the conclusion that beauty is not found in a persons weight, height, eyes or clothes- no it has nothing to do with the outer appearance. It is about the imperfections each and every one of us have, for no one is perfect. You see it is our imperfections that make us all different, So is it not these flaws that make us beautiful?

Remember you are not alone in the fight.


Your Friend

Jordy

Well yesterday was my last exam, the last day of being a 6th year and the last time I will have to go to high school....it was 6 long school years, and another 7 before that...now it seems like such a short time wasted, I know I will not use half the things I have been taught, I know that all I will do now is through out the papers and notebooks I have stacked high on my desk and move on to college and then university.

I remember my first day of school- but I doubt I will remember the last, it dose not seem as important in a way, now it is just yesterday. I am just happy I made it this far, for a while I didn't think I would. The best thing about school for me, was going, it was changing. Primary school was cruel, high school- was when everything began to grow, people began to see. I would say I will forget about high school now, but I can't forget everything, the bad times will be there, but now in the last few years I have good times to balance it all out.

I finished high school- and I have friends. I feel normal. I can't wait till I go to college, and meet new people and new friends.

Bottom line- what was/is the best thing about your work/school ect? just think about it and maybe you will see something you didn't see before...mine is getting there.



Your Friend

Jordy

Perfectly Perfect

Tall, tanned, thin and blonde.  This is the image of beauty placed in the young girls hands. It is the image stacked high in every toy shop.  Barbie made for children to dress up, create hair styles and pick out the perfect pair of shoes to slip on her perfect tiny plastic feet.  This simple doll was introduced in 1959 and is still influencing youth today.  After all Barbie is what every little girl wants to be and is every guys guide line to the ideal girlfriend, with films like “Weird Science” bringing dolls to life.

So, how does this flawless little doll impact on women in society? On average girls age 3-11 own at least 10 Barbie dolls, setting the idea of the 6ft tall, 110 pound ideal in their easily influenced minds. However can we blame them for accepting this perfect image? After all in our everyday lives we are shown pictures of beautiful women in glossy magazines, we walk into shops and are bombarded with make-up, face masks, fake-tan and hair products galore.  It could be said that in some way you can walk into a shop and buy a whole new you; but do all these products give us confidence or do they create dependency and turn us into life size Barbie’s?
 

An influential statement by Sarah Burge – a modern day Barbie lookalike (UK) sends out the wrong message to our youth, she states; “it’s okay for women to be something they are not”.  This may lead us to ask the question, is inner confidence the same as confidence in one’s appearance?   In  1965 Mattel (the makers of Barbie) introduced their slumber party doll, she came complete with bathroom scales-set to show the weight of 110 pounds- and a book telling children; “don’t eat” if you want to lose weight.  To Mattel’s surprise the sales of their Barbie doll dropped at a “shocking” rate.   As if telling children to diet wasn’t bad enough at the same time they also released a Ken slumber party doll, but instead of adding weight loss tips they sold him with milk and cookies- talk about gender discrimination in the beautiful world of Mattel.

To date there are almost 8 million people in the US suffering from some form of eating disorder and out of that only 10-15% being male.  This not only shows that women are largely affected and more inclined to diet but more importantly that men can be affected too.   In 2013 a “grand” total of 45,365 cosmetic procedures were carried out, only 9.5% were males wanting to make changes.   Sadly this is a small but significant increase from 2012 when the number of male cosmetic enhancements stood  16% lower.   A man named Fred Yeo spent near enough $20,000 this year alone to subject his body to a tummy tuck and his lower back to laser liposculpture.   I would question how long this so called happiness will last? Maybe till he finds a perceived flaw such as a wrinkle or unwanted blemish.  However it is not his fault, according to Darren Tom-age 24- the culprit isn’t Fred Yeo it is in fact society for judging one’s appearance instead of the person within.

However I have to ask, are any of these people truly happy in their fight to become flawless or do they ever think; what if I ate that buttered scone at lunch?  We are now at the point where we need to recognise that 10% of people with anorexia will die because their bodies can’t withstand the battle to become tall, thin and undernourished.  These statistics truly give a whole new meaning to the seemingly harmless metaphor, “if looks could kill”.  The changes women have to make to their body to even come close to that Barbie slim shape not only requires them to have liposuction but also the removal of two sets of ribs.  This in my opinion takes their “war” against normality to a whole new level.

Not only does the issue of body image inflict pressure on people physically it also attacks them mentally with over 5% of people with eating disorders meeting the diagnostic criteria for depression.

 This pressure to be thin is clear with 40-60% of hormonal high school girls already trading their otherwise healthy eating  behaviours,  for this dieting – starving  “craze”.  Society no longer accepts the idea of imperfections making us unique and setting us apart, but rather it is pushing for the cloning similarity of everyone looking the same.

Beauty by definition is; a combination of qualities, such as shape, colour and form that please the aesthetic senses, especially sight.  Beauty can be interpreted in many ways depending on who you are.  However should beauty be restricted to a physical definition rather than encompassing an emotional aspect?

A child as young as 8 years old named Dana (UK) refused to eat more than 175 calories a day, it was so extreme she had to be force fed through an IV and admitted to hospital for 12 weeks on a correctional program, though I don’t see a quick fix for her.   In an attempt to find the root of this needless insecurity a group of researchers specialising in psychological development exposed a number of young girls to 3 different dolls.   After the research was completed they came to a “ground-breaking” conclusion.  They stated that the young girls who viewed the Barbie doll reported lower self-esteem and a stronger need to be thin, this was shocking.    After seeing these results one might say the Barbie is a role model, encouraging the urge for weight loss and the likely hood of developing eating disorders in our youth.

Sadly the issue of reaching the weight of 110 pounds does not just plague the minds of our children but also the minds of adults between 20-30 years old.  One of their goals may be to resemble their favourite role model, the Malibu Barbie.  This has reached an extreme level where  40% of this countries’  9 year olds have dieted; indicating that their dreams are no longer restricted to games in the playground, but are swiftly becoming their unrealistic body image goals in reality.  The dieting doesn’t stop in our local primary school system but is carried on through into higher education with almost 95% of those suffering from uncontrollable eating disorders falling into the range of 12-25 years of age.  75% of the young female population not only have dieted but carry on doing so 2-5 times a year.   This means that there is an astonishing average of 4 out of 5 ten year olds who are afraid of being “fat”.   Author, Kevin Norton says that the “Barbie ideal” is an almost impossible possibility with only 100,000 people in the world who actually meet the Barbie body image; Again proving that these extreme measures taken by so many are still unlikely to achieve their “perfectly perfect” image.

After looking into this controversial topic I have come to the conclusion that, be it Barbie or Ken who inspires us to change, both play a key role in moulding  perceptions of beauty and how “perfection” is seen, not only in the eyes of women but also in the eyes of men.   So no matter if it is in achieving that slim line waist or the bleach blonde hair is Barbie something to aspire too and give to our growing children?  No, it could be said that she is a thing of the past.   After all if a doll of 11.5 inches can have such a huge impact on people of all ages then should we still be selling it? Should Barbie be accompanied by a health warning?   On the other hand society might need this bit of plastic in order to strive for something more.

Kind Regards 

Jordy 

Well we are now a bit into 2015 and it is looking and feeling a lot like last year. Exams have started and to say I am stressed would be an understatement. Though I guess this year is better than the last, after all I wasn't even in school this time last year. I have had a uni interview and although it didn't go as well as I hoped I still got a chance at it. Jack and I have made it to our two year mark despite everything, It was a sock to me. There was a time I never thought anyone could be with me;let alone put up with me for so long.

This is 2015 and I have a new set of cards to play, do you?

Christmas
Its a time full of candy canes and Christmas trees however there is more than just gifts to this time of year. I have spent the last few days cleaning and trying to get the house up to scratch for my family members on Christmas, not that they care clean the house is. This time of year is one of the things that keeps people like me, or like you going every other day of the year. Knowing that at the end of it we get to sit with our family and friends and forget all the pain, the worry and the fear...even just for one day. That day for me is simply a second chance.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Your Friend

Jordy

Marks

I was sitting in class the other day not long after doing a close reading paper and the teacher was helping people fix their mistakes. And a large number of the students going up for help were finding it hard to describe a scar as anything other than a scar or a mark. This caught my attention and I began to think about how people really see them....are they really just scars, or is there something more?

Now of course I found this easier than most to re-word, after all I have many scars and to me they are far more than a mark on the surface of my skin. A scar is something that lasts forever, there is nothing that can take them away. Yes you can hide them, but trust me, they will still be there. My teacher simply said scars are from trauma of some kind, they are painful, and lasting.

I say, they are memories almost sown into your skin. For me they show the pain, the anger, and even bring back memories of every cruel word said to me over the years. They are my story. I still find myself staring at them and thinking how they look, how people see them...I see all the pain they caused me over the years. However as well as forcing me to remember the bad things, they also help me to see what I have overcome. They remind me to be strong, even though they make me cry some days, not because they hurt but because they are there.

I once thought they would cause me problems. I thought that no one would ever see me as beautiful, and no one would ever love me because of them. I was wrong. Jack, is a lot like me, he tells me he likes my scars because they are a part of me. He says there is no need for me to hide them, or get ride of them with make-up and creams. Now don't get me wrong, I don't always feel the same way, in fact most of the time I hate them for not going away.

But at the end of the day my scars will always be there, and I have to live with that. They are both a strength and a weakness, and I love and hate them. However knowing that if people can look past my scars and still say I am beautiful, then I know they are there to say.

What about you do you love and hate, yet would never really change? Remember no one is alone in the fight...

Kind Regards

Your Friend

Jordy

Better View

The other night I decided to go for a bath, like everyone dose when stressed of worried. It is a place to think, its quite, warm and nobody can get to you...or at least that's what It was meant to be. I don't know how long I was in there, I don't know how long I was splashing water onto the bathroom floor while struggling to breathe. I do know if my parents had not heard the banging, I would have died.

My dad pulled me out, I could make out the noise of my mum crying, and the worry both their voices. I remember the splashing of water in between fits. The one thing I could think about after was what if I hadn't been found, what would I regret? if anything. Funny thing is I could only think of two things.

1. Not correcting the wrongs. You might be thinking; "She is 17 what could she have done?". The answer I have done enough. I remember being so harsh on a member of my family for her hatred and her own mistakes. How silly it is. 

2. Letting people I care about leave angry. Never let anyone go home upset, or mad at you. After all it might be the last time you see them. It will be how they remember you till the next time you meet.

I want to be one of those people who doesn't die unhappy, or merely content...but blessed. I am 17 years old, and I am no longer scared of dying, nor of living. We should all just live life day by day. Say what we feel and hope for the best. Forgive others for their mistakes and any wrong doings, after all life is to short to hold a grudge.

I want people to ask the questions; what would I regret if I were to die today? and how would I make it right if given the chance?

Kind Regards
Your Friend

Jordy x

Bye, Bye Baby

I have now seen my wee nephew 3 times since he was born 15 weeks ago, he is called Jason...and is the happiest baby I have seen. I am very proud of my friend for having him and how well she is doing, yet I can't help but feel a little stab of sadness each time I hold him knowing I might never have a child of my own. I have cried on several occasions and like any girl have picked a name, and almost planned every detail. However I know the idea of me raising a child will only ever be part of my imagination. Yet another downside to having my conditions. I can't even be trusted to stand up with a baby without fitting or falling. I know it is daft that at the age of only 17 I am hurt by the possibility of this but I feel like its part of many peoples life plans. You see we are born, we grow up, we get jobs, we have kids, we look after those kids and then we die....not always in that order but close enough.

So a child is just one more thing "god" or life has denied me. I will still help as best as I can with my wee nephew. If I can't be a mother ever, then I may as well be the best aunt. Dose anyone else ever think about how their condition will effect their future, not their job or their education, but their family? you don't need to respond just think about it. Think about what you can have, or can do....instead of what you can't...

Kind Regards 

Jordy  

I am happy, I have made more friends. I have found a part of the endless puzzle that is my life. I know that It is wrong to expect people to stay. But I don't get called names anymore, I don't get kicked when I am down, instead I get picked back up. I was in the common room once when I had a fit, and 3 of my friends + a random stranger helped me, they didn't have to, I know they didn't, but the fact is they didn't hesitate to help. 
After so many walking away, I had come to expect that of my own age, but now I have my long term friends and I think I am making new ones...I can't help but hope they will stay, we shall see. 

Ask yourself is their anytime in your life you regret not helping another, or a time where nobody helped you...ask yourself why? and if it has changed? because I know it will. 

Kind Regards 
Jordy

Returning.

The sun has once again started to shine and the rain has decided to take a holiday, I should be thrilled, the trouble however is it's now time to go back to school. This is the time every teenager has been dreading for the last week, or will be when their alarm clock goes of at 6 am tomorrow morning.

For me I am not dreading going back and doing the work, I am not dreading the early mornings or even walking up and down stairs all day. I was asked how I feel about going back for my 6th year and all I can say is "fine". "Fine" as in 'Don't know'. Why? Because I know that when I go back there is every chance me having an episode in the hall, walking down the stairs or even sitting working in a class room. That isn't so bad, or at least it wouldn't if I knew what exactly people think when they seem me crying.



So when I say I am fine with going back. I really mean, I am afraid of what I don't know. I don't know how it will work. I don't know if I will manage to stay, with people already talking of pulling me out of school again. I don't know how these episodes keep happening, no matter how many people ask me.



School brings enough problems for teenagers, but for those who have other things to deal with on top of grades, tests, hormones and puberty, school becomes all the more daunting.

So I guess the question is this, when does it all become to much? and how do you know when to quit?



Your Friend

Jordy